Alone vs. Lonely (Growth)

Am I lonely or just alone?

Hi. The above question was all I could ask myself in my second year of college. I felt really lonely, and I felt like I was getting depressed. I couldn’t do anything. I was down most days, hated my life (still figuring that one out), and... This was until I read Renuka Gavrani’s book, The Art of Being Alone. Reading "The Art of Being Alone " changed my life. I learned many things, such as the pain of hiding my true self, how I was romanticizing loneliness and needed to stop, how I could turn loneliness into a period of growth, and how to be me and build my life in solitude.

I have one question for you: Why do you think the idea of being alone is associated with loneliness? I think we need to stop criticizing ourselves and stop thinking that being alone is pathetic. Yes, loneliness is real. Yes, depression and its many forms are real. But solitude is not depression. You are not lonely just because you are alone. Loneliness is when you cannot find yourself. It's when you're so clouded by your surroundings that you mute your inner voice and stop communicating with your soul.

Instead, enjoy your alone time and use it to know yourself, love yourself, and accept yourself. Self-love encompasses not only self-care and physical well-being, but also emotional and mental. Self-love is also about knowing you. The good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful, and accepting all of them. And that is okay. You shouldn’t loathe yourself because you spend too much time on social media, or eat too much, or yell too much. Instead, first accept it, then decide if you want to fix it or not. Regardless of whether you fix it, my dear brothers and sisters, love yourself. Because if not you, then who?

Forget perfectionism and pretending. Embrace you, get to know you, stay connected with you, and create a home within you. Now, it will take some time to get there. Heck, I am not even there yet. But we can do it one step at a time. Find you, Love you, live well in your solitude, and it's okay to be alone.

I leave you with the wise words of one of the greatest artists of our generation:

“The scary news is, you are on your own now. But the cool news is, you are on your own now.”—Taylor Swift

Thanks for reading, Love.